PENTAMETER

2002-09-11T21:23:00.000-04:00

Attention Kmart shoppers

I have decided to close this blog. I'm leaving it up for now b/c it has links, but I don't feel any need to write and so I won't. I still like to read, but not nearly as much as I had been doing. I guess blogging was a phase for me...there is no reason, I'm just more interested in other things right now and life is moving too fast to sit here trying to think of something to type. Love to all,

Mina

2002-06-13T13:30:00.000-04:00

Exploring voluntary simplicity. Look at this really neat family.

2002-06-07T21:02:00.000-04:00

I added some people I like here. If anyone minds, just let me know.

Today I dyed my hair. It's called Esspresso. It suits me. I feel pretty.

I am exploring homeschooling and wondering if I should order John Taylor Gatto's books from Amazon or trek to the library to get them. I love my Serena's preschool--so much I have decided to choose that option for Jonathan for next year (and my younger dd and I can attend too--it's very family friendly). I am not totally keen, however, on our public school. They are flip flopping between 1/2 and full day kindergarten, asking us to pay $500 by June 30 to option the full day if the state funding doesn't come through, and generally giving me the impression that things are a big mess there. One of the three K teachers is pregnant, and while I wish her well and a happy babymoon, I do not want her to be my dd's teacher so my dd can spend 1/3 of the year with a substitute and the rest of the year with a lady who didn't get enough sleep the night before because of her baby. I am waffleing around and exploring options I guess. Yesterday Serena (who will enter K in fall) said she would rather stay home with me, then today she said I should sign her up fo full day K, but just pick her up 15 minutes early. I'm not sure how good of a homeschooler I'd be. I have the gut feeling that I'd either be extremely good or extremely bad. Maybe both, on different days. It is all very confusing to me. Sigh.

DH is in Atlanta on business. I'm set to go to NC June 15 to see my parents. I need to clean, plan, and pack. Yawn.

2002-06-02T00:40:00.000-04:00

Lately a few bloggers have commented about how they worry how their preference for being home or alone will effect their children. I wanted to address it and to reassure them, but couldn't put it into words small enough for a comment box so I'm bringing it here.

I think it is ok to have a small social life. I don't think it is harmful to a small child in any way for a mother to prefer to stay home or to not meet up with friends and playgourps every day. Most of our society (including myself) is seriously over scheduled. Go here, go there, do this, do that, sometimes it truly stinks to have obligations.

I'm not convinced children under five need friends. Some do, some don't. I do think it is important for children and moms to get outside (as in outdoors) every day, even if it's only to walk to the mailbox, and to see someone...even if that person is only your husband or your mother or your next door neighbor walking to her mailbox...as long as there is someone to remind you at some point in the day that there is a world of possibilities out there beyond you and your house, and to clue your child in to that same notion.

I have also found that my children who need people around them, find those people for themselves, even if I am feeling like hermit mom. They don't need me to set things up for them on my own initiative. The let me know very clearly what is right and what they are being dragged to. My only mistake is in holding them back from setting things up for themselves....like if I spent too much time running errands on my own schedule (not stopping to smell the roses etc.), or spent too many hours on the computer (essentially, fromt heir point of view, a completely anti social activity), or neglect to connect with people and friends that they are asking to see. Those are my failings, not the fact that I didn't find friends for them.

Jonathan, for example, is very sociable...no one can stop him....he literally makes a friend everywhere he goes. I never instigate. For example, last summer we were at my parents house. We had been there a week, and Jon was out on the front lawn and saw a little girl next door. He ran and got me and told me he found "Casey" his cousin, out on the lawn and was going to play with her. This little girl wasn't Casey...she just had the same haircut...but he didn't care, he went and got her and brought her into our house (with parents permission). He meets someone at every playground we got to, meets kids at restaurants (he still asks me when he can spend the night at "Trevor's" house....a little boy who sat in the booth behind us at Friendlies and we had a 15 minute conversation with them)...he goes up to kids he is interested in. I do nothing to facilitate this, it's just the way Jon is, and I just let him be himself. The only thing I need to do for Jon is to get out of his way.

Serena, in contrast, is very bashful around new people. She will never approach someone first. But she does now ASK me to help her approach someone...like a neighbor down the street that she wants to play with...she will ask me to ask the girl for her, or go with her to ask, or something like that. Still, in this asking, she is letting me know that she wishes for the company. When she was smaller I joined every playgroup and tried to keep up busy, but looking back on it, I now realize that was a mistake and fueled by pressure from mainstream society to get going on socializing. I now think that time would have better been spent alone at home, relaxed, not so stressed out about having to particpate all the time. Playgroups and such until a child asks for them are all about the mom and her needs. If your child isn't asking for it, don't worry about it. I really don't think it did a bit of good for Serena in particular to be involved with others so young. Now, she needs it, but then, it was more of a source of stress.

Holly is not ready for friends. SHe will be 3 June 28. If someone approaches her she often feels threatened...like her space is being invaded...and orders them not to talk to her. She usually plays with Serena or Jon...those are her friends.

The best kinds of friends for my children, I have found, are the low key ones. The ones that just show up at the park at the same time you do, no appointment necessary. If you go somewhere, anywhere...the park, the Y, the library, wherever, chances are that you will begin to see the same people again and again if you go often enough.

2002-06-01T23:31:00.000-04:00

Ooh these were fun...take mine....How well do you know me?

2002-05-31T10:01:00.000-04:00

ACK! This isn't me, I swear. (Except maybe for the pony tail, which I don't currently have--it's more like a layered bob--and my love of the Beatles--and my keds---yeesh maybe it is me ACK!)

Which era in time are you?

2002-05-30T08:48:00.000-04:00

Ground Zero is gone. I can't imagine being a member of that recovery effort. How very, very sad for the families, especially those whose loved ones were not recovered.

2002-05-28T18:48:00.000-04:00

Years ago, when I was a theater reviewer for a college newspaper, I found The Reduced Shakespeare Company. These boys are hilarious, and if you know Shakespeare at all, but not well enough to remember which play Rosalind was in, you should definitely go and spend your money here. They brilliantly take all of Shakespeare's plays and reduce them into a couple of hours of fun. To quote from their website:

"So, how have we done it? Many of you already know the answer: We have simply cut out all the minor characters and boring subplots and gotten right to the sex and the killing, which is what people love to see. We've done it by barfing on the audience, throwing props at their heads, spraying them with squirt guns, and abusing latecomers. We've braved blizzards, crooked producers, power outages, leaky theatres, bomb threats, blasphemy charges, lost luggage, crappy hotels, immigration officials, and rubbery chicken dinners. And we'd do it again if we had half a chance. Why?

Because bringing laughter to an audience of literally dozens is a pretty good gig."

In some ways they remind me of Blue Man Group with twice the brains and quadruple the energy.

2002-05-26T23:02:00.000-04:00

I'm going to break my silence on the alterna dramas and say only this: I am so disappointed to see so many blogs and bloggers disappear or move to secret locations, especially those of you who were a regular stop for me. That's life I guess. Good luck to you all. I hope you find what you are looking for.

Happy Memorial Day to everybody.

Dh has been home on comp time since Wednesday afternoon and it has been wonderful. It does make up for the week I was forced into single parenthood while he was in Berlin. We've made a lot of progress on our back yard landscaping...I planted the whole back fence line with boxwood, holly, rhododendrum, a maple tree, and we put a privacy fence up on the side that butts the massive 7 bedroom home next door. That house overpowers our small back yard and we need a lot of screening to keep from feeling loomed upon by it. At least I feel that way. No one else seems to feel it's a problem.

We went to the nursery yesterday and I got to pick out a few belated Mother's Day presents....I got an ornamental flowering pear for screening our yard from the neighbor's big (and high) back porch, a pyramidal yew to flesh out my partly shady corner, a lilac (because you can't live in New England and not have one), and a pee gee hydrangea, which I just wanted to try. I also bought a dappled willow bush just because I thought it was really pretty flowing in the breeze. I have no idea where to put it though. At the nursery they were displayed around the japanese maple and we have one(planted just last week!), so I may just copy that.

Today after a lazy morning and some fence finnagling, we took Holly and Jon for haircuts, then went out for pizza, and then we all went bowling. It was so cute to see my children bowl. Holly roared a "YES!" and did a happy dance of Victory for every gutter ball she bowled. Serena had fun bowling backwards and upside down through her legs, Jon liked the reset button a little too much, and I discovered that I may actually be a better bowler than my husband. Shock!

2002-05-24T23:14:00.000-04:00

I found this funny essay comparing our childhood's with our children's childhoods on Katie Granju's blog and I just had to link it here too....Rebekka, thought you'd get a kick out of this one. I don't know why but it reminded me of you.

2002-05-22T10:47:00.000-04:00

Most who know me well know that I am looking for something to make me feel better. I don't think I have genuine deep seated depression, but I have been feeling off and not up to speed or as energetic or patient as I think I should be. I am a follower of integrative medicine...what this means is to explore both homeopathic remedies and the science behind most allopathic medicine and to make an informed choice based on ALL of the information that is out there. My feeling is that I want to take something to help myself, to make life better for my children and to be a better, more cheerful and energetic mother and a sweeter wife, but at the same time I do not want any side effects, I do not want anything that could potentially be addictive, and I do not want anything in any way dangerous that I will regret later. In other words, I don't feel bad enough to take any risks. I know I need more exercise and to lose weight--I do believe those things and a proper whole foods diet will help me immensely (I've been eating crappily lately), but those changes are long and hard and I need some help in the interim, especially to make me feel motivated to make those changes and to stick with them. I find I have repeated false starts (over the course of YEARS of trying) on healthy living, always falling back into the same dismal bad patterns that are the cause of my undoing. I saw my problem described in health magazine as "the body blues". I swear this is an epidemic among women and many men. So many people I know, especially online, suffer the same way. Change is hard. Good luck to us all. I found another article on Omega 3 fatty acids and how the depletion of them may be the key to why depression and imbalance are epidemic in our society. It made total sense to me. The combination of stress, processed food, lack of exercise, lack of sleep, lack of deep meaningful spirituality, and the transcience of the modern world....yeesh these are my problems....and here I am standing beside myself looking for a little pill to get me and my family through it.

2002-05-22T10:25:00.000-04:00

Dear Tooth Fairy: I did lose a tooth, but my brother Jon grabbed it out of my mom's hand and then dropped it on the carpet. We looked and looked but we couldn't find it. It is there somewhere. Mommy is more upset than I am. They said you wouldn't mind it is on the carpet and not under my pillow. Please give me four gold coins. Thank you, Serena.

(The actual letter was not descriptive about mom's feelings but I'm posting it here for your info and not for the tooth fairy.)
And then the next morning, she lost a second tooth! Both in the bottom center.

2002-05-19T12:36:00.000-04:00

Serena's loose tooth is very very loose and I just wanna cry and bawl about it! I'm not ready for my first baby to make this milestone...I remember when that tooth first appeared. My beautiful smiley baby... Every where we went old ladies couldn't resist coming up to her.

Now my baby has her own friends and her own opinions and her own ambitions. They don't always match mine. I think I will take Rebekka's idea of writing a letter to her for each tooth lost.

2002-05-17T21:41:00.000-04:00

Who's Your 80s Movie Icon Alter-Ego? Find out @ She's Crafty

Boo hoo hoo hooo

Michael is trapped in Germany. London Heathrow had some kind of control tower computer glitch and everything is delayed. His particular flight is cancelled, and they couldn't get him another one until Sunday. So he rented a car and is exploring the countryside (yay for him) and I'm alone for two more days (boo hoo hoo hoo).

I'll take any condolences you can throw me.

2002-05-15T12:00:00.000-04:00

WOOO HOOOOO

Congratulations Kayla!!!!

From her email:

"William David was born at home yesterday, May 14, at 5:55 am. He is a big and healthy 12 pounds, 2 ounces, and measures 24 and 3/4 inches long. We are all doing great and can't say enough about how wonderful it was to do this at home! "

Congrats Kayla and I'm so happy for you. Get that camera out when you get a chance.

2002-05-15T05:01:00.000-04:00

I just found Darcy's blog. I don't really know Darcy but I found myself whistling and giving a stand up ovation to her Sunday, May 12 entry.

Heh heh and Russell is "hers". Heh heh thanks for the smile (literally, I smiled when I saw that).

2002-05-13T17:25:00.000-04:00

I think I would just hate being a single parent. Michael left last Friday for a business conference in Berlin, Germany. He is staying here. I crack up at this hotel's website....Elvis perched there on the side and all....I guess it's some kind of convention center and there must have been an Elvis convention at one point. This week they are hosting a bunch of nerdy engineers. Anyway, the week before he left he worked late every night trying to get ready for this conference, sometimes not getting home until midnight. Now he's gone and I'm starting to lose my mind. All this rain the last two days is really bringing me down.

Friday night I pampered us with treats and movies and cuddles and snuggles. Saturday was a beautiful day and we spent most of it outside. My two mother's helpers came in the morning and played with the kids while I took some time for myself and played on the computer. Then I quickly cleaned up, fed them, vacuumed, and took them to the park for some fun in the sun. We were the only ones there and we had a good time. We came home and had an easy dinner and more cuddles and stories. Sunday morning I got a lovely call from Roanna wishing me a happy mother's day. She's the first person from online life that I have actually spoken to. (Other than my husband that is.) She was calling me while still in bed on a lazy Sunday morning and I thought that was just wonderful. I could hear her beautiful girls giggling in the background. Our home is nothing like that in the morning. No sleeping in for us....Holly makes sure of it.

I felt kind of sorry for myself being alone with the kids on Mother's Day. We took it easy...it was rainy and we stayed in. The kids kept making me new presents...at first it was cute but after a while I started to get irritated because they were making messes for me to clean up with their generosity. For instance, Holly wrapped some legos, some hair stuff, and some of my dishes together. All well and good except after the 9th present I had a ton of crap to put away yet again. It made me feel a little grouchy on the inside and so we all ended up going to bed a little earlier than usual.

Today I woke up, got Jon off to school, got Serena to school, got Jon to speech, then took us all out to eat. I had salmon and the kids had mac and cheese. I know I could have made it all at a fraction but I needed to be out of the house for a few more hours. It's gray and rainy and we were all soaked by the time we got home. They are watching Zoom now and I am trying to gather my composure for a nice peaceful evening.

Tomorrow is the day I work in Serena's class and I have to find the popcorn maker. They are going to the public garden on Thursday to take a swan boat ride and want to make popcorn to feed the birds. My MIL is going with Serena as a chaperone...this is one field trip that siblings are not invited to so I will have to stay home with them. I can't say as I blame them...taking 15 kids into Boston is a big endeavor...they are riding the bus to the train station, taking a train into the city, and have to deal with city traffic once they get there. They asked for one chaperone per kid, so MIL kindly offered to step in for me. I am grateful otherwise Serena would not be able to go.

I am very worried about my parents. My mom had pancreatitis and is finally home from the hospital, but on Saturday she got dizzy and fell. It happened to be during the 20 minutes that my dad was out. They are all alone out there and have no one to help them. I am trying to convince them to move near one of us three kids (in three different states) but they are not jumping at it. The house across the street from one of my sisters is for sale...it would be ideal if they could move into something like that. Right there, across the street, but still have their own space and their own privacy. I don't understand why they are attached to where they are now. They have been there for almost 20 years now, but before that they moved around like gypsies. I went to 10 different schools in 12 years. They have retired in a place where none of us want to live, in fact I swore that I would never live there. They don't like Boston though and haven't made any move toward either of the other options (Tulsa and Philadelphia). It totally sucks. I feel completely helpless.

Anyway, aside from being a single parent, I also would hate to be married to an executive type person who is working all the time. I just can barely stand the schedule we have now. Something has to give.

I looked up some university programs at UMass Amherst for my DH. He doesn't want to go, really, but I was entertaining myself and dreaming of what it would be like to be in a univ. atmosphere again. He could go and we could hang out with neat people. I really liked Amherst the one time I drove through it. I want Michael to get a break from working soooo bad. He is so overworked. We could get out of the rat race kind of life we are currently living. We have enough equity to make it work, very easily, actually, but change is very hard especially for my DH who has never moved and lives exactly 2 houses away from the hosptial where he was born. (Hi honey, I know you are reading this now don't freak out I'm just putting random thoughts on paper here. Whaddaya think?? I miss you so much.)

2002-05-09T10:54:00.000-04:00

But of course:

Which Royalty Are You? Find out! By Nishi.

You are the beautiful and compassionate Queen. You are the epitomy of what every woman should be. You are confident, bold, aggressive, smart, womanly and feminine. You know the right thing to do and do it. You command respect and earn praise. You are moral and loving. In times of trouble, you draw strength from within, and are a source of strength for others.

Yeah, right!!! That's me all right! Bah ha ha ha ha ha

And I look exactly like that lady too. NOT

2002-05-08T11:02:00.000-04:00

I lost my "something funny" that I wanted to send people...dh thinks he has it though, so I am waiting for him to forward it to me, then I'll email it along.

Here are some pictures of other people's yards that I love. This calm feel is kind of what I'm striving for. I picked yards that have similar light (I mean shade) to ours and they are in our zone in Massachusettes. Add a Little Tykes tree house (swing/sandbox/slide/fort) on the side (which we "planted" 3 years ago), some small kid garden areas, and there you have my dream. When the kids are bigger we will put a hammock or a big adult swingset in place of the tree house. Looking for inspiration like this keeps me entertained in any case.

Michael has joked that what I really like to do is shop for garden stuff. He's probably right. I love browsing catalogs and other people's garden websites. As far as actual work, I like watering, deadheading, and raking too. I like container planting. Digging holes in rocky soil is not for me. Thank goodness he is willing to help me with the aspects that require muscle. We bought a japanese maple tree (bloodgood) last weekend and are trying to figure out where it should stand. Here are the muse yards:

2002-05-03T19:39:00.000-04:00

To be honest, I have thought of closing this blog every day for the last two weeks. I'm not much of a journaler, and though I have my opinions, I don't really want to spend my time composing long diatribes about the various alterna communitites or its players. Aside from the few who comment here, I see 12 people who are still clicking in here every day and I'm not sure who you are but my apologies for slacking off and wasting your click. I will try to do better, or at least let people know I'll be AWOL for a few weeks. If you let me know who you are, I will send you something funny in your email. It's a big file and I can't figure out how to post it here on the blog.

Today Jonathan went to the cleft palate clinic at Children's Hospital. It's a yearly checkup kind of thing...he is supposed to see the plastic surgeon, the cleft dentist, the audiologist, the speech pathologist, an ENT, and later on, perhaps a psychologist or social worker. He only saw the PS and the dentist today. Everything is fine and they raved about how he (his scar) looks. Jonathan has made a TON of improvement in his speaking abilities over the last 9 months. He has been going to private therapy (articulation focus) three times a week, and gets another three (language focus) in school. His original problem, called glottal stop compensatory error, has been virtually corrected...there are traces now and then especially when he is tired, but for the most part everyone understands what he is saying and he is on a good track improvement wise. The concern now is that Jonathan seems to be hypernasal, and he still seems to have air escaping through his nose and sometimes makes a snorting sound when he is talking. He needs to have something called a video fluoroscopy which is a procedure (a camera thing) that can see if air is actually physically escaping because of his anatomy or if it is something that is just a bad habit of his that can be corrected with more speech therapy. They went ahead and scheduled it for 6 months from now, and also scheduled the surgery that will correct it if the cause is anatomical. It's called a velo-pharyngeal flap surgery and is essentially a second palate surgery in the back of his throat. I guess with our star world famous surgeon, it's a lot easier to just put your name in his book and have a spot and then cancel it if you end up not needing it than it is to wait and see and THEN get on his books. We took the spot. I feel in my gut (and have for years) that Jonathan will need the second palate surgery. His cleft was just so wierd and so severe and he is exhibiting the signs now, still, after 3 straight years of speech therapy. He has worked so hard and come sooooo far, but his tone is still significantly off unless he is whispering. If you can imagine it, he sounds kind of like a tough little 4 year old deep voiced Fran of "The Nanny" show. The older he gets the less cute it is. :( I am extremely grateful that God gave Jonathan an assertive, persuasive, persistant personality. I couldn't care less about the scar or how much dental work he is going to need (lots!). But speech problems, especially un-masculine ones like hypernasality, will likely lead to social problems and self esteem issues down the road, which to me are connected intimately to happiness and self fulfillment. Will he lose a girl over it? Will someone decide not to hire him because he is different? I guess that's why we take the cautious road with him and do everyhing we possibly can right now. I hope to God the video flurooscopy shows that Jonathan is anatomically correct back there. The thought of one more surgery...one more night in that hospital...one more recovery...and EXPLAINING all of it to him for the first time (he was a baby in the others) and knowing he will be in pain gives me an instant stress attack.

While Jon went to Childrens (with my DH) for that check up, I took the girls to the dentist. We have a great children's dentist. It was Holly's first time and she did great! Serena is proud to report that she has not one but TWO loose teeth...down on the center bottom. She can't wait to tell her little friend Phillip.

After that we went to Home Depot and I spotted a pretty red flowering crab tree for $40. Perfect for next to my new imaginary patio. It was so windy we had to leave, but I hope it's still there tomorrow!

2002-04-29T16:29:00.000-04:00

After 7 or 8 years of living here, we are finally doing the landscaping. When we bought the house, there were some perfectly arranged, very old yews serving as landscaping for the front yard. There were pointy ones, and round ones, flat ones, and smushed into each other ones. We trimmed them the first year, and left them the second year. The third year we trimmed them too severely and they all looked dead and twiggy. We waited a few months but they didn't come back. So that year, when we leveled the grade in the back yard, fixed the foundation and kitchen, and got a new driveway, a sprinkler system and new lawn, we had the bobcat guy rip out the yews and rhododendrums. Except for the lawn and some potten geraniums on the steps, our house has been landscape free ever since. Oh I did plant flowers last year....cosmos, zinnias, marigolds, daisies. I tried to mix them and make it look quaint and cottagy. Flowy and breezy was what I was going for. What I got, honestly, was a mess. Only half of the area around the front bay window grew because the other area--the side by the steps-- was too shady. Live and learn.

This summer's big project, needless to say, is to fix the yard. There are three levels of neighborhood on our one little block. There are the kid people, of whom we have been one, with little or no landacaping, lots of weedy lawn, and lots of Little Tykes serving as yard decor. Then there are the non kid people, who aren't really interested in yard work, but strive to maintain a neat appearance. These yards are neat, mowed, trimmed, have some shrubs and a decent lawn, maybe some potted plants here or there, but there is no real pizazz to anything...no real inspiritaion, no reason to stop and smell the roses or linger or anything except yawn at their appearance. I call them the neat freak utilitarians. You kind of wonder if they wish the kid people would clean up a little or at least buy a big shed for all the bikes and plastic. Then there are the stylistically magnificent neighbors, of which I aspire to be in my imagination, but am not anywhere close to in real life. I watch them with great interest....what are they planting now...how is it doing...how did they think of that....omg (eyes pop) how much did they spend??!!!!!!??? (closely followed in my thoughts by, hmmmm could we do that on our yard?? would michael go for it at all?) At the top of the food chain in this group is the three gay guys in the pink two family across the street and down a couple houses. Every inch of their property is planted, even the strip between the sidewalk and the street. The first thing they did was put in a nice brick patio, then they put up a fancy pink and cream fence, all the way around, with an arbor/trellis/gate thing over and in front of the driveway. They have three salaries to spend on their house, and three sets of muscles to put into it, impeccable taste, the ability to finish what they start, and the property oozes good taste of every proportion. (I know pink sounds strange to most of America but it's a good color for New England light and is pretty common here, like salmon is in Florida). Some of the other neighbors poo poo them...mostly the neat freak utilitarians, who you would THINK would appreciate all these three men have done, but all they do is scoff and make remarks like "look at what I have to compete with..can't compete with that!" Funny how the Little Tyke laden kid people seem to be friendlier toward them while the utilitarians resent the beauty and the effort. I didn't know it was a contest.

So this weekend we started on our yard. I've been thinking, dreaming, studying, reading, planning for two years. Michael obligingly put up fence posts in cement for me on the back lot line to screen out the back neighbor's boat. I have hollies and boxwood purchased and am looking for junipers, cedars, yews, flowering trees to make up the evergreen backbone of our yard. I'm thinking of doing flowering shrubs like hydrangeas, azaleas, mountain laurel all down the north shady side of the house and putting a patio in the back and am even thinking of growing some climbing roses. Somewhere. At least one. Our house is creamy yellow....kinda the color of butter, with white trim. I'm using red as my accent color against all the greenery...the red in the berries, the red in the flowers, the red in the bricks. Just some.

Later on, maybe next year, I'll try to expand on that.

2002-04-25T09:04:00.000-04:00

My husband Michael works for a major software corporation that has already had one large layoff and is going to have another one in two months. They have announced this, allowing the entire population of the company (thousands of people) to a)worry about losing their jobs because they don't know WHO will be cut, and b)also allowing the entire company to gear up and scramble for other employment. Needless to say it's been very stressful. Michael's face at the end of the day is so worn out and dejected from the drama.

Today he got this email. The last paragraph is why I post it. Even when times are bad, hard work nearly always pays off. Everything Michael has he has created for himself. It's been the pattern of his life. I'm a proud wife.

-----Original Message-----
From: Frank E XXXXX [mailto:XXXXX.com]
Sent: Thursday, April 25, 2002 7:08 AM
To: Product-Def
Subject: Role change for Michael Bourque

Hello all
As I alluded to in the meeting of this past week, I am changing Mike Bourque's responsibilities in the group. While he will continue to be responsible for the specs which he authored, his day-to-day tasks will focus more on Project Management in PD. Over the past 6 months, I think that you would all agree that the maintenance and design of the Primer have been a huge time savings to all of us. With the Primer, and the number of hits that it gets (over 50,000!), and the repeat visits, and the communication vehicle it provides --- we have really created something that draws people in and keeps them coming back for new, fresh information.

So of course he will continue to do this task. He will also do other projects for me, mostly revolving around deadlines and deliverables that are group-wide (SPR addressing, Primer Updating, etc, etc) This way you guys can all focus on being your creative selves, and he can help me remind you that we are still quite deadline-and-deliverable-driven in PD. Thus, when he comes around and asks about your SPR backlog, or Caselog assignments, or throughput, or whatever, know that it is because I have personally asked him to do this, and you should consider it as important as if it came from me directly.

Short-term, he will also join Dubi and Nicolas in testing features and filing SPRs and cases in the Wildfire release. Further, I expect all of you to transition to this important task as soon as you are able; so expect a more detailed message from Mike and I concerning our plan with regards to Cases and SPRs later today.

Please take this opportunity to congratulate Mike on his change in role; which, while not official, more accurately reflects his actual responsibilities, and hopefully proves that you can do anything you want in the group if you prove to me your desire to do so, and back it up with actions.

Thanks
F

2002-04-23T14:49:00.000-04:00

More from Uncle Tony on my niece Lillie's comedy of errors oops i mean tee ball saga:

Good Morning Bumble Bee Fans.
In the words of our youth - "What's the word?" The word is CHAOS! Yes Bees'ers, last night was chaos.
I arrived early to Sparkle Stadium, as the Bee's were to take their team photographs. After arriving 45 minutes early and waiting; were we informed that it had been canceled... One fan (Sori) with was not happy. "I got my daughters hair cut today, I laundered their uniforms, I rushed them down here without dinner only to sit in the bleachers for 45 minutes and then am told that the pictures are cancelled." I asked how she came about this news. "I saw Coach Scott out in the parking lot and questioned him. He said, "'We called everyone but you, I'm so sorry - but it's been cancelled, we're going to reschedule it for a later date with another photographer - it'll be better, we think he's a much better photographer and cheaper!" She continued, "Then the Coach noted that he forgot his own daughter's baseball glove." I later found out that she had loaned her Casey's glove. I don't believe Sori was appeased.

The Sparkles took the field and started warm ups. MY GOSH - these girls, everyone of them are AMAZONS! Easily 5' 5" or better, ages 5 or 6! For a moment I thought I was visiting the wrong stadium. Looking over at the Bumble Bees - it was midget-ville! David and Goliath - woohoo it's gonna be a rumble! As my father-in-law if fond of saying, "A single bee sting to the nose can bring down the mighty lion." We would have to wait and see.

Top of the First. The Visiting Bumble Bees.
Get a hit, get an out, get a hit, get an out, get a hit, get an out - Boom boom boom switch places please and keep the score zero - to zero.
I gotta wonder about Coach Scott's line up - no sign of Say Hey Lillie May's in the first inning. She's still his 1st or 2nd best batter. I also have to note - the Sparkles pitcher was something else, not that she every threw the ball the entire game, but she was tall and gangly. She ran every out from a ground ball to the pitcher's mound, raced over to first and handed the ball to the first basemen.

Bottom of the First.
The Goliath, I mean - the Sparkles have an Achilles heel - the girls can not bat! Oh, they are all power swingers and heaven help the Bees if the girls ever contact with the ball. I think most of the time the Sparkles were at bat, we saw their coach chasing foul balls are just awe struck that these Amazon's couldn't hit. I'd love to be able to report the Bumble Bee's stunning field play - but I can't. If the ball doesn't leave the Tee, after 2 fouls and a strike - They're OUT!
Lillie's playing between first and second base and sees no action.

Top of the Second:
J.C.'s gets a single safe to first.
Say Hey Lillie May's finally appears with a man on first.
First swing - she grounds to the pitcher and it's a race to first - Lillie sacrifices herself to forward JC to second. Lillie's OUT! That's ok. After twelve times at bat this season, she's only been out twice.
The Bees get their 4 on the board.

Bottom of the Second:
The Sparkles put on a little pepper this time getting a few runs in. 4 to 4.
Lillie's playing third base and again - sees no action.

Top of the Third:
Lillie gets safe at first and makes it home - There's another 4 for the Bees.

Bottom of the Third:
On the field - the Bees have 2 exceptional players. Lexie (The Bee's Assistant Coach's Daughter), Emily (2nd Assistant Coach's Daughter).
With a man on third, Lexi playing pitcher - the Sparkles POPS UP, Lexi catches the ball to EVERYONE'S AMAZEMENT and races over to the girl on third trying to make it home - it's a DOUBLE PLAY!!! The crowd on both sides go WILD!!! WOW!!! And finally - Lillie playing first, the next batter grounds to second base, Emily stops it, juggles it too long and throws to First - Lillie catches it - but the girl is safe. It's the only field action Lillie will see for the night. But hey - she caught it!

Top of the Forth:
More of the same 4 points.

Bottom of the Forth:
1 batter gets up and the game is called on Time.

Now: Before I conclude - there's another gripe or two I have to make. In our last game we were told that the Pitcher can not make unassisted outs at home plate. This game it was allowed. In the past - once a player holds up the ball for everyone to see, the play is dead - just as if she threw the ball to the appropriate base. We noted that even though the Bees did this, that the Sparkles were allowed to run more often than not - TWO bases, rather than the ONE the Bee's were ever allowed. My second distaste for this game is in Coach Scott.

Though he's a great communicator to the BB's - and all the girls love him, I can't understand his leadership. Maddie, who possibly JUST turned four who spends her time on the field making dirt mounds should never be on the pitcher's mound. Lexi should always be pitcher or first basemen. Alternating Lexi should be Emily. Katie, Coach Scott's daughter - is always on first, or pitching tho extremely cute and great cheerleading future possibilities is not a ball player. While he's placing Lillie over on third, the girl just doesn't have the arm to heave a ball from third to first. I gotta say it Sports Fans - The Bee's could be a lot better.

But that's it for now.
Wednesday is a make up game with the Dolphins! See ya there!

2002-04-21T23:49:00.000-04:00

Busy busy busy!
Too busy to blog
Tryin' to grow a garden
Watchin' kids play leap frog

2002-04-15T23:21:00.000-04:00

I wish I'd found this article sooner when Tanya said Russell is a boob. This is what I really meant to say--why I noticed him, why I watch. I'm a big film buff...but a revolution needs to happen. Teenyboppers and sell outs, be gone!

2002-04-15T11:53:00.000-04:00

Ever hear of Dr. Willet? He put together the new food pyramid that is about to be adopted by the USDA. Here is the book.

We spent the weekend cleaning upthe yard. 15 lawn and leaf bags sit filled and waiting on our curb. Here are some pics for Rebekka, who told me to "leave" them (har har).

The front yard:

The side:

The infamous back:

Last fall we spent our energy doing what you see, thus the need for mass cleanup NOW.

I also bought pansies, strawberries, herbs, and 12 boxwood to plant along the fence.

2002-04-12T17:48:00.000-04:00

Here is a very interesting article on how how television affects a child's brain.

Here are some ways to nullify some of those harmful effects.

2002-04-09T18:23:00.000-04:00

which 80s hair band are you?

this quiz was made by colleen

My number two was Def Leopard.

I am also a glass of Merlot and Peter Rabbit on the other quizes that are making the rounds.

2002-04-07T22:21:00.000-04:00

Well, the purple house that is pictured two entries below has a big old SOLD sign on it now. It wasn't even on the market for a week! This town is crazy!

We had a busy weekend. On Saturday we totally took apart the kids' room, and cleaned and rearranged the furniture. It is spic and span, neat and clean, no clutter anywhere. I did everything but change out the winter clothes for the summer ones. I'll hold off one more month on that.

Today we all went to a birthday party. Maddie turned 3 and her brother Ben is in Serena's class. We have become friends with their parents through the class. Donna (the mom) is such a good mom. She is very attentive, positive, respectful to her children, and rather alterna in a lot of her choices. I wish I could get her on here but she shirks the internet and chooses to put her energy into IRL people and things (hey, more power to her!). We enjoy hanging out at the playground together. The kids (about 10? of them?) were busy. Many of them were from Serena and Ben's class. Since it's a family friendly school (younger siblings are invited to come with a parent) the class kids pretty much become the siblings friends as well if they choose to participate. It's a very nice set up for connecting with people and the community. They had crafts...terra cotta pot decorating, and then they each made a treasure chest with wood and paint, and they played pin the tail on the donkey and each got a prize no matter where they pinned it. The prizes were really nice....Alice in Wonderland finger puppets (a set) for each girl and musical instrument bubble blowers for each boy. There were extras in case a girl wanted bubbles or a boy wanted the puppets in a teacup. They also got new baskets to take all their stuff home in...and we needed them between all the craft objects and the prizes. Serena has aquired herself quite a reputation for her artwork...she is very detail oriented, and was still working on the pot (which is finished and beautiful if I do say so myself) when all the other kids were already done with everything else. So we had to bring her treasure box home undecorated, but that'll be a good rainy day project for her.

People around here spend a fortune on parties...parties of all types. Weddings are huge, bday parties seem huge too. And Donna tried to keep it small...she was telling me about her friend who rented out a hall and hired a magician for her DD's bday. My SIL was telling me that a lot of the goody bags her DD brings home from bday parties are nicer than the GIFT she sent. I wouldn't necessarily call it a "keep up with the Jones's" culture, although that's how I feel a lot of the time, but there is a definite "let's make this special" pressure that has enveloped Boston like the plague. Of COURSE it's special, she's only turning three once!

Michael and I made out too....Donna gave me a big plate of ham to bring home. They served gourmet pizzas (from Bertucci's...the BEST!!) like with eggplant, or garlic, mushrooms, and feta, and salad, and they also had a big ol' ham for people. No cooking tomorrow for me!.....well maybe some split pea soup or other bean based soup. I also had my first cup of chai. Yummmmmmmy! I think I scorn coffee now...stinky coffee, stinky!

And last but not least, Michael agreed that their dining room (which he hadn't seen before) was very cool. It's painted a sort of cross between terracotta and brick or barn red. There is a thick moulding/ plate rail about two feet below the ceiling, all the way around the room on which they have all sorts of family photos etc. perched. Above the plate rail is painted cream--like a deep warm cream, not a white cream. The woodwork is all darkly stained. The curtains are cream with brick and green accents. The adjoining living room is a pale but warm green with the brick and cream accents. I think it's gorgeous--warm, inviting, nice but not too formal. (Thinking about ripping out the ugly blue wallpaper in my living room.....been waiting 6 years on this trying to come up with an idea or two........Anyway, the fact that Michael liked the bold wall color is big news. When we remodeled our kitchen 5 years ago I really, really wanted to make it barn red, and he really, really thought that was a bad idea. I STILL to this day wish it was red. But he saw Donna's red room and he liked...... I'll have my red room yet!

Anyway, we had a good time.

2002-04-05T12:11:00.000-05:00

A few weeks ago I posted an email from my BIL about my niece Lillie at her first T-Ball practice. Here's one about Casey, her sister, who is three and adorable. The email is entitled "She Skates".

Tonight, I was sitting in the middle of my sofa while watching the TV.
Sori was in class, Studio Photography I believe.
Lillie was in time out for a deed she made me promise never to discuss
outside our immediate family, earlier this day.
Casey - was sitting on the living room floor, sorta with me, sorta
watching
TV.

Typical male dominance on the remote control, click, click, click...
Click, click, click.
Click, click, click.
And though, ordinarily I'd never stop on this - but for the moment, I
was
mesmerized.
The Canadian Ice Skaters Team from the 2002 Salt Lake City Olympics
were on.
They were just finishing up a stirring routine which the audience
apparently
adored.
Then the Russian team of 2002 Winter Olympics took to the ice.The Television noted in text: "Meditation", which I can only assume was
the
musical number that they would be skating to.
Casey, sat perfectly still.Now - before I can continue, I have to explain a very crucial element
to
this tale...At no time did my eyes ever leave the screen, and yet - I barely saw
nearly
what transpired there on TV.
For you see, I was watching my three year old daughter, there on the
floor
with my peripheral vision.
I just knew that if Casey saw me watching her - her debut as "The
Skater"
would cease!
The music began.
A melancholy, slow, graceful orchestra of strings began. As did Yelena
(The
Female Skater).
In a single push of her leg, she glided across the ice effortlessly.
Her
arms drifted skyward and floated about.
Casey arms lifted slowly in mocked fashion in perfect timing.
Yelena, turned backwards and continued to cross the span of ice.
Casey on all fours, turned her back to the TV.
Yelena, circled and closed the gap between herself and her partner.
Casey turned to face the TV once more.
Yelena, limpishly fell backwards into her partners arms
Casey, too fell limp and gracefully collapsed to the floor.
Yelena, was raised high upon the shoulders of her partner
Casey stood on tip toes.
Yelena's head fell back - looking to the heavens in ecstasy
Casey's head tipped back knowing that exact joy.
Yelena floated gently back to the ice
Casey too knelt back onto her knees.
Yelena broke from her partner turning right then left alone in her spot
light
Casey crawled right in a circle, then left again in step.
Yelena pirouette
Casey pirouette
Yelena's leg raised slowly and arched magnificently, held steady in
perfect
strength
Casey's leg raised as well and trembled a bit and slightly shook.
Yelena twirled and circled and glides just so
As did Casey - each movement foretold....
It went on
3 minutes of incredible bliss.
Such beautiful music.
Such utter silence - no words being spoke
Yelena and Casey...
For 3 minutes - for the first time, I watched my daughter skate.

2002-04-04T17:11:00.000-05:00

The weather here has been gorgeous. Instead of blogging I've been taking my kids to the parks around here for longer and longer times. I love Spring.

We have a lot of big old Victorians around here. Here's a house in my neighborhood...a 2 minute walk from me....it is purple and in person it is positively DRIPPING with detail, charm, whimsy, and character and I can't help but look at it every time I drive by. In December they put a Christmas tree out on that balcony on the top left. The fence and fancy goes all the way around. If you want to buy it, it's for sale for $599,000!$@$!!!!! What you see is pretty much IT for the lot!!!!! (Roanna, we should come move near you!)

2002-04-01T17:28:00.000-05:00

Why Maximum Russell Crowe is on my link line:

Am I his biggest fan? No. Do I think about him and dream about him and follow him like a lovesick puppy? No. Do I think he's a hottie? Well, he can be but he usually isn't. He's extremely talented (not perfect though) and fun to watch, that's all. He's crazy. He's a smug, self important jerk. When he was young he changed his name to Russ Le Roq and wrote a song called "I wanna be like Marlon Brando." He played the sweet transvestite in the Rocky Horror Picture Show in a bad part of Sydney. He got into acting for the acting part of it. But he leaves his beloved native land for the big time stuff in media whore Hollywood. He recently recites a girlie poem to Richard Harris at the BAFTA awards (the British Oscars) and then beats up the producer of the award show for cutting two minutes (the poem) off of his acceptance speech. He lets the tabloids paint him as a homewrecker and a man of no morals when in actually there has only been one other woman (other than Meg) who he called his girlfriend. He's a perfectionist. He puts his craft above people. He wants to be a daddy. He can't be satisfied.

I first noticed Russell when we got TIVO. You can search by actor and the Tivo machine will pick up everything that he appears in and record it for you. Four or five Crowe movies were recorded for me to watch back to back. First I saw LA Confidential, then Gladiator, then Insider. I had actually seen them all previously and separately when they came out. Most actors are pretty much like themselves in every movie...same nuances, same voice...they take what they have and make it work into the role. Russell doesn't work like that...he transforms himself until he IS the role. If you don't believe me, simply rent EITHER Gladiator, LA Confidential, or Romper Stomper and then watch him in The Insider and you will see. His range is incredible....poetic, epic but brutally physical on one day--then understated, paunchy, paranoid, ordinary the next. He doesn't dress up for interviews or get a haircut for the Oscars. Gotta love that.

The last scene of Proof of Life...sigh drool awwwww......Russell can say a zillion things just with his eyes. I see him along the lines of Meryl Streep, but better.

I guess that's it, in a nutshell.

2002-03-26T17:30:00.000-05:00

Question of the day to all bloggers: Does your husband/S.O. read your blog? Do your IRL friends and family read it? My answers: Yes, Yes, some of them, and Yes, some of them.

2002-03-26T11:07:00.000-05:00

This morning while I was in the shower, Serena (age 5) made this self portrait on the computer. Note the roots on the flowers, the necklace on her dress, the smiling green worm next to her foot, the butterfly and bug, and the apples on the tree.

Gee, do you think she could be detail oriented??

2002-03-23T23:49:00.000-05:00

Friday night, for no reason at all, Michael came home with flowers for me and tickets to a Saturday play, none other than the Sylvia, a canine comedy, that Madame Fab has been telling us about. This production was local to us, however. I am not a dog person, but Sylvia made me cry. The last scene. I won't tell you what it was in case you want to see it sometime. On our way out we bought season tickets for next season at the theater, plus tickets Little Shop of Horrors, the last show of this season. A good time will be had by all.

2002-03-22T15:04:00.000-05:00

My kids. No, we don't dress them alike. They just happened to get these sweatshirts from Uncle Shawn's trip to NYC the day we had the camera out.

Left to right: Jonathan is 4, Serena is 5, and Holly is 2 1/2. They are sitting on a homemade barbecue pit in the woods by my sister's house.

2002-03-20T11:09:00.000-05:00

The night before
7:30 pm Realize I have to bring the class snack for Serena's school the next day. Start dishwasher which has been loaded from the day. Michael sweeps.
7:31 pm Ask Michael to put the kids to bed so I can grocery shop for the snack--promise I'll be back in a few minutes
7:45 pm Amble aimlessly through the store for an hour looking for the snack that will make me look like the perfect mom; assess the pizza, no; assess the pineapple, no, settle on bagged apples, which are on sale buy-one-get-one-free. Try to remember the ingredients for my favorite homemade Weight Watchers zero point minestrone soup--criss cross the store several times from one end to the other trying to find them, pausing by the free sample cookies at the bakery each and every time.
8:40 pm Decide since no one else is shopping this late, I should just go finish off the free cookies. Smile at deli man who sees me.
8:50 pm Stand in line--notice I'm the only apparent mom. Everyone else has like, one bottle of wine, or a quart of icecream and that's it. I've picked up every "two-fer" item they have.
8:55 pm Push basket to car, step in puddle in the dark
9:00 pm Drive home, find Michael sitting on couch watching tv, kids in bed (all quiet, yeah!), and a gourmet chicken (his) roasting in the oven for tomorrow. He says he did it because he knows I don't like to touch raw meat (very true). I am grateful. The house smells wonderful.
9:05 pm Tell him about my pizza/apple dilemma, don't tell him about the cookies, put groceries away.
9:45 pm Head upstairs, turn on computer, read blogs
10:00 pm Find Roanna online YAY! Chat with her
10:02 pm Michael comes to bed (our computer is in the bedroom), asks me how long I'll be on for
10:03 pm I say "just a few minutes--I found a friend I want to catch up with then I'll turn it off"
12:00 midnight Finally turn off the computer, brush teeth, crawl into bed next to a long snoozing Michael, snuggle into our new sheets and comforter set which are of a luxurious thread count and fluffyness and which I just LOVE. Note the European style (big square) pillows with shams behind us). They are perfectly color coordinated with our wallpaper and still smell of laundry soap. Martha eat your heart out.

The day
6:00 am I awake to a sunlit room, Notice Michael still there, Holly (2) in the middle, shake him and say "Aren't you supposed to be at work?" He looks at the clock and says, no, it's only 6.
6:15 am He gets up to shower, I go back to sleep.
Sometime before 7: He leaves for work--I sleep through it.
7:14: I wake up, realize I need to get Jonathan (4) up for school. He sees the speech therapist there at 8:30 sharp.
7:16 I go to Jon, see him sitting up in bed looking out his window
7:20 Serena (5) and Holly join us--we all go downstairs. I feed them toast and cereal.
7:45 I dress Jon, Serena dresses herself and Holly
8:15 Jon goes to school. He goes off happily and full of energy. He has a black backpack and he has filled it with his latest lego creation that he made some time that morning while I wasn't looking (a plane with monster truck wheels)
8:35 am I start my coffee. AHHHHHHH Starbucks whole beans 100% Columbian ground on the spot by me in my little Braun grinder. The smell of that alone is wonderful. Take coffee pot out of the dishwasher. Fill water, put in fresh ground beans and await perfection.
8:47 am Pour my precious coffee into a giant travel mug...put two spoons of sugar, and 1/2 cup of milk in it. Perfection. Holly asks to smell it, I oblige.
8:50 am Sit on couch with my girls as they play. Serena works on her gerbil/hamster/mouse/guinnea pig book. She wants one SOOO bad ever since seeing some baby dwarf mice at her cousins house. She asks daily for one...I said, sure, when she is 8, 9, or 10 and can take care of it completely on her own. I myself can barely keep up with the catbox. She decided to read and write books about them so she would be prepared to take care of them when the time comes. We went the store and picked out a special bound journal and she fills in a few pages every few days. She draws the most elaborate homes for them...mazes, running wheels, water drip, everything! All on her own! (PROUD MAMA!). Read Holly a book.
9:50 am Amble upstairs for a shower, turn on the computer instead. The girls follow me.
9:52 am" Surf while the girls give their dolls a bath in a plastic bin filled with water and bubbles in the bathroom. I can see them from the computer. They are so cute.
9:54 am: Sit with Holly on the potty. Read Clifford's birthday to her for the 40th time. She goes 2 tablespoons and gets off.
9:59 am: Surf
10:02 Sit with Holly on the potty again. Read Clifford's birthday to her for the 41st time. She goes another 2 tablespoons.
10:06 Surf and watch the clock. Serena has almost gotten the ink off the face of the anatomically correct boy doll.
10:16 Sit with Holly on the potty again. Read Clifford's birthday to her for the 42nd time. She finally poos.
10:25 Turn on shower Ahhhhhh Shower then change the load of laundry from the night before into the dryer (they are in the bathroom)
10:45 Return downstairs dressed and ready for the day. See Serena has wrapped the babies up in towels. Clean up breakfast mess by transferring it from the counter to the sink. Start making lunch. Make kids sandwiches and melon balls.
11:00am Fix Serena's hair for the day. Invent a word for her to say instead of OWWW whenever the brush hurts. Spudaroni! Spudaroni! She yells it out as I'm brushing and we both can't help but giggle. She looks adorable in her overalls and pigtails.
11:05 am Start looking out the window for Jon (he gets dropped off).
11:10 Go outside to wait for Jon. The girls (barefooted) look at me through the window. We make faces at each other.
11:14 Jon arrives. Tells me about Wilma (the speech therapist) Chat with Karen (who drove) about her kids.
11:22 In the house, try to get Jon to sit down and eat. He rejects the lunch I've prepared.
11:25 Sit with Holly on the potty.
11:30 Make Jon an orange. He eats it. Send him to the bathroom. He returns with pants skewed sideways. They veg.
11:58 Get the kids coats and shoes on, make way to car
12:00 Out the door
12:02 Chase Jon down in the neighbors yard. He claims he wants to put their (kids) tractor away as it is out a little far. Let him.
12::03 Impatiently look at my watch--Serena's school starts at 12:15 and it takes 6 minutes to buckle them all in the carseat
12:07 Still waiting for Jon
12:08 Decide to buckle girls into car
12:13 Come back for Jon...find him stomping on a puddle of melting snow with his Stride Rite light up sneakers
12:15 Pull him away...check his socks...dry thank GOD....promise him he can stomp in puddles after school when I find his boots.
12:16 He reluctantly gets into the car. Holly announces she has to go pee. I curse the Gods in my head and ask her sweetly if she can "hold it". She says yes, THANK GOD. I turn on the car, realize my windshield is full of snow. Try to get it off with the windshield wipers...they can't take the weight and get stuck. Get out of car, can't find the snow broom. In desperation use the pan that the gutter drips into to shove the snow off the front and back windshields. Get back in car. Phew!
12:27 We pull up to school and park, 15 minutes late.
12:30 We arrive in the classroom, take off coats and try to fit all 4 big bulky winter coats on Serena's one little kid coat hook. After some finagling they stay. I send Serena into the class and tell Jon and Holly we are going to the bathroom, which is just a little down the hall.
12:32 Jon and Holly bolt for the bathrooms in happy glee. Holly goes into the girls and Jon into the boys. I curse again in my head, and start to feel a little sweaty.
12:34 I grab Holly and take her to the boys bathroom
12:36 I lift Jon so he can do it standing up
12:38 Holly insists on ALSO doing it standing up
12:45 I finally get her to do it sitting down.
12:47 I let them wash their hands in a really cool way...with one hand in the sink on the left and the other hand in the sink on the right. They giggle and I regain my composure.
12:49 We walk into the classroom a full 34 minutes late. It's my day to help out. We missed the circle time. I go to the "think tank" after getting caught up on what we are doing today.
1:15 pm We have a good day with interesting activities; the kids eat the apples after a mad dash to cut them up (%#*#K*#**#*!!!! why can't we just hand them a whole apple???).
1:45 pm My clean up period (when I vacuum and wash things while the class is outside) is interrupted by taking both Jon and Holly to the bathroom to poo. They both do. I scramble and sweat to finish before the kids come back in.
2:15 pm The kids come back in and do "Tuesday is Newsday" where by each kid has brought something from home with words on it and reads what they can recognize on it to the class. Serena has brought a donut box we found in the car and reads the word "donuts".
2:40 pm The teacher gives Holly a sticker for her shirt. Jon rejects one. Holly shows me hers proudly.
2:45 pm We are dismissed from school.
3:00 pm Coats finally zipped and snapped, we trek back to the car. We pass the playground on the way, I let them play for awhile until they complain they are cold.
3:40 pm We are buckled back into the car.
3:50 pm I drive around a little to see if any houses are up for sale. Both Jon and Holly fall asleep in the car.
4:04 pm We arrive home, I carry them in. Serena turns on the tv, I turn on the computer and read on it to unwind. This is usually our bath time but they didn't get dirty today so we skipped it.
5:15 pm Find out Michael will be home late via instant messenger. Make my way downstairs.
5:17 Serena says she is hungry. I pull out the chicken that Michael had baked the night before and make up supper. Chicken, corn, green beans, and noodles.
5:30 pm The other two wake up and eat. The kids play.
7:30 pm Michael rapps on the window to surprise the kids.
7:31 pm We greet daddy
7:45 pm Daddy eats.
8:00 pm We ALL clean up. ALL of us. We put legos back in the lego bin, crayons in the crayon bin, wash the dishes, sweep the floor, vaccuum the whole first floor.
8:35 pm: We read books and are making a book called "Gus the Goofy Gosling" to help Jonathan practice his "G" sound. We work on that a little. He's almost got it. He goes to speech therapy three times a week in private therapy and three times in addition at school.
8:50 all kids in pj's , teeth brushed, and in bed.
9:00pm Michael and I talk and he tells me he has more work to do.
9:30 pm He goes upstairs to work on the computer. I turn on the tv and pick "Little Buddha" out of the list of things that have been recorded on TIVO.
9:35 pm I watch Little Buddha which has Keanu Reeves and Bridget Fonda. Realize it's a kids show. I learn a lot about Buddism. Agree that extremism is bad bad bad! Wonder if I should become a buddist.
10:30???? Fall asleep 3/4 of the way thorugh the show. Wake up with a crick in my neck, walk upstairs, brush my teeth, and fall into bed. Sleep the whole night through.

On the agenda for today:
--Battle insurance company over frequency of Jonathan's speech therapy visits
--Make several appointments
--Take Jon to speech
--Make soup
--Change laundry and dishes
--Play with kids, making ESPECIALLY sure they get to puddle stomp with boots on today.

2002-03-18T22:11:00.000-05:00

2002-03-15T23:16:00.000-05:00

Here's my nomination for best blog title of the week. I just love the whole concept, actually. So honest! So real! So Popeye! He yiz what he yiz......tongue permanently welded to cheek (his, not mine).

Now with 57% more unabashed egotism! Read it, he's funny.

2002-03-15T22:14:00.000-05:00

So that's what happened to Steve Burns. I think this is a keeper for me...the man who taught us the Birthday Candle Dance throws away the rugby shirt and manages to do it with some style. Look around, be affirmed. It's what he's good at.

2002-03-14T22:27:00.000-05:00

Take a look at The Mirror Project. In particular I like this one. I don't for a second think this art just happened...the shoes are posed, and color coordinated with the girl's socks, and by God they look new

(Rebekka, please teach me how to post images so I can look cool like you and so people will actually be able to follow along in real time)

The girl, perhaps a virgin (but not for long if that is so) may have taken dance at some point in her life but she is not a dancer....she is a thinker, a poser, conscientious and deliberate in her whimsy. The partition of the mirror is placed just so, a phallic symbol, separating the legs. The photographer's little fantasy is herself, but not herself. White sheet meets violent chopped red blanket in just the right place...shoes are laced tightly, but they will not stay that way. She wears the pink socks...she is ready.

That's my poetic eye on it, anyway.

(heh heh laughs to self...almost typed pathetic eye)

2002-03-14T00:04:00.000-05:00

Here's a little story from my BIL about my niece Lillie. She is 5. They live in Tulsa.

This evening, Sori had a photography class scheduled.
I myself was flying in from a biz trip from Kansas City.
The time that I got to spend with Sori would be brief at best before I
would
have to hustle up Lillie and Casey out to the "Old Ball Park" where
Lillie
was going to play her first practice of T Ball...

Disappointment came early.
The instructions that Sori gave to the practice field this afternoon were
seriously lacking. Looked like we were going to be late for
practice. I
was starting to dread the penalties that ball clubs put on their
players for
such infringements. The majors can charge as much as $5,000.00 for such
behavior - and we just don't have that kind of money for T ball. (hee
hee)...

We drove around for an HOUR before finally giving up and heading home.
Lillie was disappointed, kept going on about not bringing home "The
Trophy!"
(I tried explaining that you don't get that til AFTER the season's
over, but
by the late hour, she had tuned me out).

SUDDENLY - There it was, the ball park! Yeah!
We pulled in and parked.
I gathered Lillie and Casey and we approached the mass of parents and
children who were already at play.
I spoke with the Coach's wife, explaining our lateness and she assured
me
that Lillie would not be fined! (whew!)
Practice was interrupted for the new girl (Lillie)... The other team
mates
curiously looked on, "Who's that?" They wondered.
Parents alike, mimicking their own children - "Do you know who that
is?"

Lillie, Casey and I were introduced to the coach, a very nice man. Near
my
own age I believe.
He quickly dismissed me and Casey to focus on his team and Lillie.

Since Lillie came late, and hadn't been introduced to the team, as the
other
girls - he asked her to stand beside him and be his assistant!
"An Assistant!" I bawked - she's here to play MAN! - Okay, I thought it
to
myself, I promised Sori I would not be the doting, fanatical father
while
his child played sports... (sigh) I kept to myself, though I knew he
was
wasting away her special talents...

Batting practice and fielding the ball continued again. I sat with
Casey
watching each team member come up and bat that ball.
5 yards it went.
3 feet it went.
4 feet it went.
it didn't went at all some times. (STRIKE!)

I got to see the girls dive for balls and dog pile one another giggling
and
laughing. All the while Poor Lillie suffering along side with the Coach
waiting for a chance at bat.

Finally, the Coach stopped the batters and looked at Lillie.
Was it her turn?
My heart started racing...
Tears wanted to well up - but I wasn't sure...
Adulation rising.
He handed her the bat! YEAH!!!! I nearly screamed!
He placed her head in a helmet and strapped it on for safety.
He handed her the bat and showed her how to grip it.
He positioned her feet slightly apart.
He raised the "T" higher because it was too low - Yes, our Lillie IS
the
tallest player on the team.
He mounted the ball with great care and stepped back.
Lillie waiting for the word.
"OK! SWING!"
(BOOM!!!)
OH MY GOD SHE KNOCKED IT AT LEAST 20 YARDS AND WAY WAY WAY OVER
EVERYONE'S
HEAD!!!
Doting mom's sidelines CHEERED with surprise.
Fathers standing behind the girls on the field JUMPED out of the way of
the
charging girls chasing the hit that went beyond their reach or
expectation
The Men laughed and joked - That's our clean up girl! (Clean up is 4th
at
bat after the bases are loaded)
Coach stood up and applauded and pat Lillie on the back!
Mothers turned to me and said, "She's great!"
I couldn't have been more proud!
I know that I was smiling!
Casey (whom I never put down, cradled on one hip, with hot breathy air
in my
ear whispered, "Lillie hit it!")
And so she did!
Freak accident? Hum... Let's see if she's got what it takes...
Coach loads up a second ball - "Go for it Lillie!"
She does - BOOM - LINE DRIVE THAT PARTS THE GIRLS dodging the pain they
would get if they stood still and didn't catch it.
Again the chased after that ball that escaped them!
Perhaps it was "concern" from the other mom's - cuz they failed to clap
and
cheer that time.
3rd time at Bat.
Another BLAST - this one only going about 7 - 10 yards and slamming
into the
ground before bouncing up and hitting another team mates knee! (Was
unharmed
and she did block the ball)...
Lillie got on last bat...
Would it be another Homer?
Another slashing blast across the field?
NO! She knows strategy!!! The girls were all 10 yards further back,
giving
her lots of room and Lillie - BUNTS!!!!
Again the girls charge!
Again the race to the ball.
Again they dive!
"That's enough for today girls" as the coach calls an end to the
practice!
Congrats were given to both Lillie and I about her performance!
Some chit chat about Lillie batting clean up and joking around.
I think they feel she'll have a lot to give back to the game!

Driving home... Lillie said, "I like Tball! - When do I get my trophy?"

2002-03-12T17:18:00.000-05:00

SIGH.

I am a Christian, but I guess an extremely liberal one. I was only looking for essays on good mothers yesterday when I found that link on the heathen mom posted below. The site is literally cracking me up. Here's another one....

The Bible Harness: Hey! I knew that guy in high school!

(Quickly changes hats) one more quiz

Take the Which Poet are You? Quiz - brought to you out of boredom and pretention!

2002-03-11T10:47:00.000-05:00

I am not an atheist mom, but this little satire brought a smile to my lips:
Area mother "good" despite being Godless Heathen

2002-03-11T09:01:00.000-05:00

Oh Goody. Lots of fun quizes.

I am 27.5% British, just like
Gwyneth Paltrow
With enough practice you can sound British but do you really understand what you are saying?

Take the Brit Quiz at
www.darrenlondon.tripod.com/britquiz1.htm
Quiz written by Daz

What Pattern Are You?

Which Winona Are You?

Which Drew Are You?

THE DEATH TEST:
Mark your calendar or Palm V. You can expect to die on

February 5, 2038
at the age of 70 years old.

On that date you will most likely die from:
Cancer (35%)
Electrolysis (12%)
Suicide (11%)
Heart Attack (8%)

Interesting stats from the DeathTest:
11053687 people have taken the DeathTest.
Of those, 54% were female and 46% were male.
The average life expectancy of test takers is 67 years.
10% of test takers have hairy nipples.
4% have had team sex.
8% work in the porn business.
And 189726 people claim to have leprosy.

Disclaimer: We, despite being proficient with the human anatomy, are not doctors. Keep that in mind before calling your lawyer as you're clutching your left arm moaning "Damn you, Spark, Damn YOU!" on February 5, 2038, as you slip silently into the night.

Like this deathtest?

2002-03-10T01:15:00.000-05:00

Here is a documentary that I wish everyone could see.

Rory Kennedy's American Hollow (1999) --- an extremely provocative documentary about a tight-knit Appalachian family that has survived on welfare and their own garden for multiple generations. It shows unappollagetically the extreme poverty and hardship in which the family lives, their spiritual life, and their inability to move forward out of their poverty despite help. This was just a beautiful, honest film. Some of the people in the film have a chance to get out of their situation, but only one (a single mother at that) actually follows through and breaks the cycle.

2002-03-08T16:11:00.000-05:00

It is Friday, right? I guess everybody is doing the very interesting welfare debates instead of the Friday Five? Ah well, here's something else: my surrealist compliment of the day:

"Your love is like 1000 caucasian carnivores playing mumblety peg with an eggplant."

You can get one too...just click on the surrealist compliment generator there in my links. I finally alphabetized them.

2002-03-07T17:59:00.000-05:00

Well someone came in and changed around the colors of this site. Please step forward. I will not be mad. Yesterday I laughed about it. But now I want it back the way it was.

If you are feeling very patient and want to see a cool little black comedy, check out Living in Oblivion. It's got Steve Buscemi, of Fargo fame....but he isn't the reason to see this movie...he's the reason you need to have patience (sorry Steve, you just got on my nerves!). Go see this movie for Mr. Indie himself, James LeGros. Betcha know his face but not his name. I think he was on Ally McBeal a couple of years ago. Anyway, LeGros is just brilliant at capturing someone who is obsessed with himself and presenting his own point of view while having no fucking clue whatsoever how hilarious he is by negating the validity of his POV with his self obsession. It's a pretty hilarious mirror to look in to, no matter what your style.

2002-03-06T10:48:00.000-05:00

OK WHO'S MESSING WITH MY SITE? VERY FUNNY.

AS LONG AS YOU ARE HERE I HAVE A "TO DO" LIST FOR YOU...YOU UP TO IT?

2002-03-06T09:35:00.000-05:00

A little announcement: We are officially done with diapers! Well, Holly (2.5) still takes one at night, but I don't count that. I didn't realize I'd feel joyous about this....but as one who at one time had three babies in diapers simultaneously (and never minded it) it's quite a relief in our daily routine! And she's just so darn cute in her little undies!

2002-03-05T09:27:00.000-05:00

My mom is sick. She is in the hospital with pancreatitis (sp?). It's pretty bad. Needless to say blogging has fallen off my "to do list" at the moment, although I may come here for escape. Who knows. We'll see.

2002-03-01T23:41:00.000-05:00

I am just a mountain of bloggereah today, ain't I!

stolen from someplace:
TOP 14 THINGS PMS STANDS FOR
Pass My Shotgun
Psychotic Mood Shift
Perpetual Munching Spree
Puffy Midsection
People Make Me Sick
Provide Me with Sweets
Pardon My Sobbing
Pimples May Surface
Pass My Sweatpants
Pissy Mood Syndrome
Plainly; Men Suck
Pack My Stuff
Permanent Menstrual Syndrom

2002-03-01T22:23:00.000-05:00

Here is something for Annamarie and all the other lovely yarn ladies out there. This place makes makes even me want to knit.

NEWSFLASH: So I'm clicking around Bonne Marie's knitting site (linked above) and I find OOH LA LA he KNITS (yes I'm still his fan even though he's prone to hormonal outbursts and giggles like a girl). He knits! (Spunky scurries to revamp links).

2002-03-01T16:38:00.000-05:00

Friday Five
1. What's your favorite vacation spot? Vacation? Huh? Actually on thinking about it, I really like just driving around New England, any time of year. It's picturesque and beautiful. We've been to Martha's Vinyard MA and Bar Harbor, Maine and I'd like to do those both again, although when my children are older as both islands require a lot of walking or bike riding. I also liked Michigan--Traverse City all the way up to Drummond Island. Very serene. These days I prefer not to travel very far from Boston though as travelling just adds stress and expense. We will probably go to the mountains of New Hampshire for vacation this summer, and take the kids to Storyland for a day or two.

2. Where do you consider to be the biggest hell-hole on earth? Sticking within the US, I'd have to say without a doubt, NEWARK, NEW JERSEY. I wouldn't live there for one day for a million bucks. I also am not keen on Lousy-ana (har har).

3. What would be your dream vacation? Today that would be to bum around Europe and then Africa and China on an unlimited budget with DH sans kids. You DID ask for a dream. We won't be doing any of this until our kids are independent (or think they are).

4. If you could go on a road-trip with anyone, who would it be and why? Either Michael or my sister Sori. Early on Michael said he knew I was the girl for him because we could sit in a dinky hot car together for hours on end and not be irritated with each other. Sori is just a lot of easy-going fun.

5. What are your plans for this weekend? DH is going to a home show with his brother and family and I get to keep the kids occupied on Saturday. On Sunday we are having a belated birthday party for Jonathan--now FOUR! His bday was Feb 2 but we all had the flu that weekend so we had to postpone. He has a rocket ship pinata (woo hoo on sale for only $4.99!) and I have to make some kind of tow truck cake (any ideas?).

2002-03-01T10:48:00.000-05:00

And this just in from the famous Kottke blog: conflict resolution techniques. Where were these a year ago?

2002-03-01T10:36:00.000-05:00

This little birthday mullet story is for Rebekka. It isn't her birthday and she doesn't have a mullet, but I can't help but think of her whenever I come across one.

2002-02-28T18:07:00.000-05:00

I finally took the Doc Marten quiz. I liked this one instantly but it was going around on a day when I was too busy to stop for it.

I'm the purple shimmer Doc Marten...
I'm a little spunky, definitely fun,
and I like believing in fantasy

Which Doc Marten are you?
(by *coffeebean*)

Just when I was starting to feel old! I'm so tickled that a tad of my former spunkyness (spunky is a screen name I've had since latter high school) shined through for a moment. I would most definitely wear these little boots!

I've been meaning to say something about comments. I know others feel differently about blog space, but I welcome honest comments...they don't all have to be positive or agreeing with me. Sometimes disagreement is a good facilitator of growth.

2002-02-28T00:18:00.000-05:00

I guess it's good to post about real life once in a while. We had a busy, nonstop day.

Jonathan's teacher Lissa (who I have an excellent rapport with and wouldn't mind bar hopping with if I still did that) .... (I'm too old and responsible now wink wink) ..... anyway, Lissa came by the house to see us and we had a nice talk about Jon and how he is doing and where he is going. We talked about the incredible progress he has made over this past year since entering private therapy. We talked about burnout and stagnation and getting over the humps, Jonathan's options over the next several years and things like that. We talked about Weight Watchers and her new Volkswagon bug and she played with my girls and Jon and listened to their stories. Then the kids ate lunch, I dropped Serena off at her school, staying for the first 1/2 hour and then took Jon and Holly to Jon's speech appointment. He worked very hard with Anna (his therapist) on F and G, both of which are VERY hard for him because he has a pretty big underbite (but a very handsome jaw) and because G is in the back of the throat where he can't see how to make the sound. They did some gargling with water to help him become sensitive in that area and pinpoint where G is made and Jon got very silly with that. Done with the appointment and back to Serena's class...I ran into my friend Donna (her son is in Serena's class) in the hall and we decided on the spur of the moment to get together this afternoon. She came to our house with her two kids and our five kids played and chased each other and were generally very loud but happy while Donna and I tried to talk through the chaos. I made them apples and grapes and gingersnaps as a snack. It's about all I had! We really need to go shopping. We taked about healthfood and shopping for it and our respective ongoing DIY projects and diabetes (I hadn't known she is one!) in the same breath. Donna left around 5 pm or so and I gave all three of mine a bath. They are shiny and sweet smelling. Dh came home a little late because it snowed and traffic is always backed up on snow days. We ate leftovers for dinner, he played with the kids on the floor while I channel flipped for a little while, then we put them to bed together. DH went to bed too....he was tired from staying up too late last night....and I watched the second half of a movie on Sundance with Stellan Skaarsgard and Charlotte Rampling (a fascinatingly uninhibited creature). Still not sure what it was called. Don't really recommend it to anyone so I guess it doesn't matter. Charlotte is like that. You don't remember her films. You only remember HER.

I saw a documentary on Jane Campion, who I've been following since An Angel at My Table and she said something that made me rethink or at least think more about the way I am sheltering my children from the world (or not sheltering them enough, depending on your POV). She mentioned that Disney has really "fucked up our fairy tales" and (and I'm paraphrasing/taking liberties from here on so read this as my own impression rather than as a quote) because they have butchered our unhappy endings with sappy songs. Fairy tales (Campion said) are meant to prepare a child for life...bad things happen to you and that's just life and that is how it should be and that is how the stories should remain. And I started thinking that she is right, but yet I can't help but shelter my kids from the bad things....like violence, the true devestation of 9-11, heck they weren't allowed to watch Rugrats for the longest time because I didn't like the way Angelica speaks to the babies or the fact that the adults are always forgetting about the babies. I try to maintain their innocence and their wonderment and their optimism for as long as is possible, to surround them with positive role models as much as is possible. I try to instill kindness in them, and charity. Some of this I do because it was done to me, and some because I've been warned...by all the hype in both mainstream and alterna circles....if they see the violence, they will ingrain the violence and may BECOME violent. If they see the anger they will BE angry. If they FEEL things on anything other than a secure level then their lives (or at least their psyches) will be ruined. Now I don't really BELIEVE these things....I kind of think adversity can make you stronger and give you a certain depth depending on your constitution.....and I want some of that adversity for my children. I want them to learn to survive it. I guess I'm kind of a duplicitous mom....pushing them to try things with one had while plotting their rescue with the other.

Jane's daughter Alice, about 8 or so, was in the documentary too and is a lovely, lovely girl. They showed her artwork/storyboard of her own fairies and I'd like to frame them and hang them on my hall to remind me of that conflict.

2002-02-27T18:23:00.000-05:00

	You are Kermit! Though you're technically the star, you're pretty mellow and don't mind letting others share the spotlight. You are also something of a dreamer.
*Take the What Muppet Are You?* Quiz!**

2002-02-26T23:28:00.000-05:00

Blogspot is down. No reading tonight. I am driven to blogger...nonetheless...

The company that pays my bills and puts us in a tax bracket and gives my DH somewhere to go every day and something to obsess about also sponsors this. I'd love to see a little quiz...which battlebot are you? Anyone else see the one with the little girl who made her bot out of a ladybug sandbox? That's me, oh wait...maybe I'm this one, spinning flower of doom.

2002-02-26T18:31:00.000-05:00

10 Things About Me That Nobody Knows (idea from Conflict Girl)
1. I actually LIKED my maternity clothes better than my real clothes. Nothing more freeing than letting it all hang out with clothes that give you permission to do just that.
2. My exteriors are messy but my interiors are neat. For example, my counters have piles of stuff on them my drawers are organized. My refrigerator has a mess of pictures on it and there is a smudge of something from a kid hand but I always put the butter back in the same spot.
3. When I was little I had a crush on Matt Dillon
4. After midnight one night my friend and I in grad school snooped in our fellow teaching assistants' cubicles and in their desks to see what they had (we didn't take a thing...we were just snooping for clues to their inner angsty-ness). We didn't snoop everyone, only those we were fascinated with. Now in hindsight we both agree that we were the ones with the angst. We tried so hard to displace it on them! Sean Ghoudie, we understand you now! You probably got just what you wanted! Write me a letter babe! Did you go bald? Do you have a pot belly? My partner in crime would like to know!
5. I have two 18 kt gold bracelets stuck on my right wrist. They've been stuck there since I was nine. I did it on purpose.
6. I am really a man writing this from prison.
7. Number six is a lie. I'm for real, honest!
8. I probably enjoy legos and finger painting as much as my kids. My favorite pasttime EVER was ceramics. Miss Smith, my first ceramics teacher, I remember you fondly!
9. I always wanted to be a filmmaker until I took some film classes.....then my illusions were shattered, my enjoyment felt bartered, and I decided I preferred not to know the tricks of the trade...I still would like to become a film editor in my old age. My secret dream is to be a member of the Academy. My best friend from childhood is an actress and my DH is a kareoke king. My best friend from adulthood SHOULD be an actress. I make a good wind for these attention hogging people (leaves blog amused with herself with Bette Midler song in head ).
10. I am not a genius and have never been mistaken for one. But I did make it to the state finals of the North Carolina Quiz Bowl (like Jeopardy or Trivial Pursuit)! We won county and got beat at state by the North Carolina School of Math and Sciences. Now those people were the geniuses. Those days I graduated a respectable but not impressive top 5th percentile of my class. These days I'm lucky if I can keep up a conversation with my goldfish...

2002-02-26T00:47:00.000-05:00

Has this one been done before? (And I did find the appropriate penis)

What Sex Toy Are You?

2002-02-25T18:14:00.000-05:00

Oh shocking! I've just discovered that the Internet Gives You The Attention Span Of A Goldfish. Yeah, just like tv.....

In the spirit of blog there is a discussion of this article on plasticdotcom . Scroll down a little, click, and there is a bit of genius: Number 26. "Humans have a longer attention span than goldfish?"

What spurs this investigation in me? In the plane from NC back to MA, DH handed me this article on The Blog Phenomenon from PC Magazine which he'd picked up at the airport bookstore. You don't seriously think you are going to be able to read on an overbooked plane with three children ages five and under? But read he did and so did I. Our kids were sooo good. They remained happy with their pretzels and crayons.

A little digging around after our unpack and I found this New Yorker article on blogging and A-list blogging communities which is good for a few chuckles if you read blogs as cultural phenomenon as I do. I see this happening left and right.

And then, having a small background in literary criticism (a la Derrida) and a life long love affair with postmodern culture and particularly the web, I found this: Deconstructing You've Got Blog, a little critique of the above article by a wannabe A-lister (tee hee). Oh all too familiar.

I am revisiting my roots. Postmodern Culture Journal, where I used to work as an editorial assistant while in grad school, should do an article on this. Ooh it could keep some poor academic schlep up all night analyzing this drivel over stale pizza, over the counter speed, cigarettes, and coffee. Where is my old professor's address...hmmmmm gotta find him....he was a Paul McCartney look alike and had a wall full of Elvis memorabilia....got thrown out of Princeton for smoking pot....or maybe it was something else...probably something else....something psychadelic. The pot was all he would admit to us students anyway. I will blog more about him another time.

I must admit I can't read this level of writing (in the journal) and speak on it authoritatively now that I have the attention span of an incestuous (hee hee) goldfish (and also because I have read Hop on Pop way too many times) .........but I used too....oh yes I did. Tompkins Hall???? Anybody out there? Anybody?

Newsflash: For more articles (which I've just this moment read) go see Megnut. She was a founder of blogger ya know. In particular see Andrew Sullivan's A Blogger Manifesto. The blog within a blog within a blog about a blog written on a blog....does it never end?

2002-02-22T04:22:00.000-05:00

I am ERNIE.

Everyone loves to hang out with me.

Which Sesame Street Character Are You?

2002-02-21T00:33:00.000-05:00

Checking in from my family reunion....

Freakin AOL parental controls! I love ya AOL for giving me my husband but geez! I can't comment on the blogs I read tonight...or click many of the links, because of the parental controls mom and dad have on their AOL acct. I don't want to mess with it b/c I am a guest here and they are too old to be comfortable with someone changing their stuff around (even if it's temporary).

OH Nothing could be finer than to be in Carolina in the morrrrrrohorning....we are here and I am realizing for the first time that I miss it. (For anyone who doesn't know me too well we live in Massachusettes but I'm from NC and my parents still live here...we are visiting them this week.) Yesterday we took our nieces to Wilmington (2554 miles from Barstow, CA--there is a sign at the end of I-40 ) to see the ocean. They had never seen one, being born and raised in Oklahoma and all. They were pretty impressed by the seashells...didn't seem to care much about all that water....and we ended the beach trip on a little fiasco. Michael and I were all just happy that we could go to the beach in Feb, something we'd never do in MA, and see parasailers no less, and our little Holly, standing close to the water line in experimentation, catches a rogue wave and falls down in it...in her jeans, sneakers, and coat. I yelled at Michael to go get her and he did and of course we had to get her back to the van and change her immediately, cutting the shell hunt short...and we had to go to a store to buy new pants for Michael and new socks for everybody.

I have to say the sandhills of NC, especially down highway 87 are darn ugly. Ugly ugly ugly! Ugly farms and ugly houses. Of course it is Feb and I'm sure it'll all brighten up come Spring.

Wilmington however was just lovely even in Feb and I wouldn't mind living there. We found a fabulous park and saw about 4 nice Southern attentive moms there playing with their kids and one horrible dad who didn't play with his...just yelled at the poor girl from his bench where he parked his fat ass with a book and if she happened to speak to him he derrided her about how she was just lazy and she should get herself out of the swing (or whatever she wanted his attention for). Lazy? Look in the mirror Bud! I felt quite sorry for her. Thank God my own children have a father who wanted to be a father. The girl followed us around like a lost puppy while her father continued to read and ignore her. I wouldn't have minded at all except she was older than mine...she looked 7 or 8? ...without a sense of what is dangerous for a 2 year old, like encouraging my Holly to jump off a two foot high play structure...and she had a mouth on her like we are not used to at all. She took those horrible derrisions that I'm sure her father gave her and gave them right to my own babies. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree...I hope somebody in that girl's life will pick her up and dust her off from what's been dumped on her and open his eyes to what he is doing to this little innocent person.

2002-02-15T12:27:00.000-05:00

I found the Friday Five boring. I'm not one for oogling over food talk...probably because my DH watches Foodtv every weekend while he cooks (oh YES HE COOKS, almost everything we eat) and I'm kind of sick of having my day revolve around food. I like to eat. I don't like the topic of cooking.

(BTW, I CAN cook...quite well actually, but to me talking about it is kind of like talking about the laundry or cleaning the bathtub...ech).

So I'm gonna do the SEX one seeing as how Valentines Day was yesterday and all. Y'all listen up now.

1. What's the most romantic thing you've ever done for someone else?
I'm gonna tell you the most romantic thing anyone has done for me. My DH and I started out as a long distance internet relationship. Yes, we were one of the first...back in the day when only maybe 10% of the population even had a pc. No we weren't looking for it...it just kind of happened. But I've told that story before...

On Thanksgiving after we already knew we were in love (I had spent the Fall lazing around his apt), and I was in NC trying to save up enough money to permanently move to him, and he was in Boston waiting for me, I received a package from the FedEx man...special delivery and we had to sign and all that.

It was a styrofoam cooler, and the thing was literally SMOKING. I mean, smokey wifts were seeping out the cracks and seams of the cooler.

My dad was there and we were totally puzzled. The FedEx man kind of left it on the porch like it was a bomb or something. Well, knowing it was from my sweetie, I opened it, and inside were 25 or so HOMEMADE chocolate truffles, each wrapped in a romantic cellophane, the whole thing packed in nitro glycerin (I think that's what it was...it kept them cold). There was a beautful romantic letter with it, with instructions on when and how to eat the candy, day by day, one per day until on the last day, he would be there (he was coming for Christmas) and we were to eat it together. There were little things in the instructions, like on day 14, "on this day, share this truffle that I made for you with a coworker. Tell him or her about the time we drove to New Hampshire and had a barbeque on my portable grill next to the woods, (etc.)." For every truffle there was a different instruction, and a different memory that we had made together.

He is so beautiful. It wasn't even Valentine's for God's sake. This was my THANKSGIVING present.

2. [pardon the cosmo question] What are your erogenous zones? The small of my back....
.

3. How old were you the first time you had sex? I will not tell because it's an experience that is purely between me and him. I was very lucky though to get a guy who completely took his time with me and we did it very very slowly. He made it completely about me. What more could a woman ask?

4. What's the most unusual place you've ever had sex? Ummmm the back of a furniture truck at a rest stop in Connecticut???

5. Do you have plans for Valentine's Day or is it just another Thursday? . It was just another Thursday but I did get nice flowers. It was about the kids this year....they had so much fun with their classes!

2002-02-14T01:47:00.000-05:00

Well I certainly have been a blog whore these last few days. I've read ALL of them, up and down. It's kind of ironic to me, looking from the inside out, that is, because 6 months ago I never checked anyone's blog, save Annamarie's a couple of times a week and then Rebekka and Ro when they got going not too long after. And then Kayla's, which is the newest I believe. These ladies are my friends. We've been through lots of turmoil together...bounced around from board to board and now to blog. There are a couple of other ladies who are in this group but I'll leave them out of this since they do not blog and they like their privacy.

I've known AM online the longest. We met way back on the HGTV Special Interest board (sort of about decorating, but there were times it got VERY catty there...childed vs childfree, right there next to great debates on curtain length)--probably five years ago or something. We didn't actually become friends there...I didn't post all that much, and I kept changing my user name from Mina to Spunky to something else....and I don't remember talking to AM directly, but years later it clicked for us that we had both been there. We knew the same people. We remembered laughing at the same shenanigans. There was a lady who posted there named Runswithscissors and we both remembered her. We both have North Carolina connections, so I'd bet that was probably how we got to talking on a personal level. It seems like very long ago. AM is younger than me, but it didn't seem to matter at all. She says many of her friends are my age (34? 35? I forget.) Well, anyway, we all got kicked off of the Special Interest bb at HGTV, and someone said, hey I found a place we can jabber about whatever we want...and that's how we got to thathomesite. We started out at the Kitchen Table, with some lovely old lady types, and worked our way over to the Parenting boards. They had spells of being terribly interesting, then the interesting people would get disneyed or banned, (AM and I knew enough to word carefully, alhtough I was eventually both disneyed and banned) and then it would be boring again, then some new blood would find it and it would heat up again.

Along that time Becky (Mehndi Mama) started posting rather frequently at THS and I thought she was a little wacky, but not so wacked that I wouldn't stick up for her on occassion. She got a ton of flack there for her views. Other peopel accused her of being sick but I never felt that way. She just seemed young to me...well, she is, and I realize now that her youth (and some of her life choices) prejudiced me against her as an authority for quite a few months. She is the one who posted the link to AMU from THS, with the title "any alternamoms out there?" . I followed it and lurked a few times mostly out of horror in the beginning. Not at the tenets of AMU, none of which I had a problem with at all, but horror at the way mothers treated other mothers. People were sooo mean to some poor woman who admitted to having a stroller. I figured I'd never ever post there--although my babies spent the majority of their babyhoods in my arms and I am one of the most attentive mothers I know IRL, I had two strollers and I did use them to get around town. I remember Dirtwitch from my first read at AMU but only because she has such memorable dirtname and I remember being scared of her because her demeanor was so confident and she had the word "witch" in her name. She went after somebody in the first thread I read. Ooooh the "scary dirtwitch". It tickles me now. I've come a long way, in my assessments of dirt and in my assessments of witchdom.

A little after that I became aware of Rebekka, Roanna, and Red at THS. Red, because of her posting style, stood out right away. Her first post that I remember was called "Anybody want my milk". It sat unanswered for quite a few days until finally I answered it...ya know what, I'll take it. Red was groovy and she was strong. She was like a hip Mama (not the site) walking around on legs. She went straight out and advocated strongly for breastfeeding, and was open to opening her eyes to become enlightened in other ways. Red is also young. She and Becky hit it off because of that I think. I was instantly attracted to her for her boldness and honesty and I wanted to be her friend. Roanna at first seemed a little like a side kick of Red (just because Red was wierder), but very soon Ro's voice also loomed large and she had a lot of intelligent, well thought out, respectable views to present as well, and I wanted to be her friend too. Roanna and I turned out to have a lot in common....we are of the same generation, we both have three kids close together, we both mostly have our lives together and have very few real problems. Roanna is who she says she is and that makes her very beautiful. There was also another woman there named Mina (another Mina) who was incredible too....funny, insightful, real, but she logged off never to be heard from again (sob). I remember thinking THANK GOD! Some people who I can actually TALK to here. I also remember thinking....gee, I wonder how hard it would be to move to BC.

Rebekka was separate from them in my mind at that time. At first Rebekka rubbed me the wrong way. She'd been around longer than Red and Ro but posted very infrequently --and when she did it was sassy and not terribly friendly. The only reason I knew who she was was because she had two K's in her name. She didn't do the small talk unless it was to joke. Like, two lines of criticism or a joke with no other comment--that's what stuck out at me. I couldn't get a feel for who she was at all. Then she took on Pepper (who we like to call Peeper), for believing that organic farming was a waste. Rebekka practically ambushed Peeper but it was so funny and she was so smart and relentless that I began to like Beks very much. Over the course of time...mostly through IM, she's become one of my favorite people, and I'm including my IRL friends in that. I've said it before and I'll say it again...Rebekka has a way of taking the ordinary and pulling out the one little thread in it that is sublime. She is funny as hell. I just LOVE her. (No I"m not a lesbian).

Fast forward through a ton of awkward postings at AMU, an experience at RR, and another board which is currently very small and private. Bring aboard Kayla, who was not at THS, posted some at AMU, but was a major player at RR. Kayla is so cool. She is genuinely nice. SHe's that girl who everybody underestimated because she was quiet. I remember Kayla's first post at AMU...she kind of came out of lurkdom there as I left. I remember thinking "oh no, she's so nice, they will eat her alive". That's what I thought. I was wrong. I got to know Kayla at RR. We are still friends even though I have left it.

RR was a good experience for me friendship wise but I left it because Red wanted to take it into a direction that I did not want to be pulled in. Plus she drove me crazy as an administrator. I resigned as moderator there because I began to feel like a fraud there in that administration....I wasn't alterna enough because sometimes we buy skippy and Jif peanut butter and I don't have any clothes that are made of hemp....I did not want to moderate anybody feeling like that and I will not go out and buy hemp dresses just to fit in somewhere. New online communities do not appeal to me at all. In my view it's all the same stuff...same people (or variations thereof)...same topics....over and over...and I've kind of come to a point where I don't need any of that. I actually feel very secure just the way I am....I've worked hard to get here to this point, and although I'm always open to ideas from wherever they may come, I don't want to try to fit in anywhere. It takes up too much energy that I would rather spend on myself, frankly.

I hung around RR for as long as I did because I didn't want to lose these friends I have described. I genuinely care for them and want them in my life. I poo poo'd bloggs when I was first introduced to them. I was always the one who was saying "huh? what are you talking about? WHATever". At that time blogging seemed to me like a pathetic attempt to gain/ maintain attention. Look at me! Look at me! Why would anyone DO this? Of couse at the same time I was running off to read exactly what I was poo poo ing. I don't really know why. Conflict whore is a good and funny term and I guess I'll borrow it from my friend Rebekka.

Well, over the course of time, and reading the blogs on a purely entertainment level (gawking at wreckage) I've kind of come to understand why anyone would DO this.

It's maintenance of the friendships without any of the sacrifices. Sometimes dialogue can get in the way of the truth...dialoge is almost always calculated....monologue has something to offer in that it will not be interrupted. You can't be sure there is an audience for any particular thing. And so in that you can get a fuller view in some respects of who a person is.

My view of the women who blog has grown, evolved, changed. Of course because my dear friends began blogging. I already LIKED them so it was pretty easy to read. In my mind however I've come to realize that no one is purely evil, things are not one persons fault....motivations and true feelings are very difficult to put down in black and white...people's memories are faulty....and, when it comes right down to it, I don't really care what all happened at some place where I wasn't. I'm just kind of interested in getting to know the pure souls who are out there right now, who will talk to me right now.

2002-02-13T13:23:00.000-05:00

How's that? You like? You can have it back now...LOL

2002-02-12T10:39:00.000-05:00

Well I did my colorgenics thingy three times and got three different responses. Each of them felt exactly like me, so I think it's something like horoscopes....they are so vague, yet pick out specifics that are common to everybody that everybody feels like it's really personal. But truly, there are maybe 10 colors, right, and maybe 100 different orders you can choose, right, so there are 100 different personality types they can throw out at you, out of the millions of people out there...I'm sorry but I just ain't buying.

Truth be told mine said I am lazy.

Well I have to admit that is true. I tend to put things off until they absolutely MUST be addressed, unless it is something far off into the future, in which case I'm happy to plan it minutely right this minute. One day I will get around to dressing this blog up the way it should be. For now though, details schmetails.

Yesterday I found out my neighbor got a job as a long term substitute at Serena's school. Her sister and her husband have also just moved into her huge Victorian house, moved from Florida, which is quite a change. (My neighbor has twin boys and their father left the family a few months ago, saying "I just don't want to be married anymore".) I'm so happy for her. They will be able to stay there. She seems to be moving along without him very nicely. She was the mom I was always in awe of when mine were babies. She had her boys and also ran a daycare and is the MODEL of positive parenting. She had some pretty high maintenance kids in her daycare too so it wasn't easy. I've had one of the little girls over here to play with Serena a few times and I have to say I'm exhausted after a few hours with her under my wing. But in the YEARS of operation, I never ONCE saw my neighbor lose her temper, do anything snippy, or treat those kids one iota less than they deserved. She truly loves and respects children. She is such a good mother--one of my real life models. She says one of her secrets (aside from being naturally high energy) is that she gets enough sleep and eats right. It's no surprise that she doesn't spend any time online, eh. I can't figure out what she does to wind down. She doesn't appear to need to.

2002-02-10T20:35:00.000-05:00

For my friends who'll be comin' to visit me:

The Wicked Good Guide to Boston English

Study up, now!

2002-02-09T00:42:00.000-05:00

tee hee looky here

I think it'd be quite amusing to see the epitaphs one could write for that site we all know that went away....do you dare?

2002-02-07T14:46:00.000-05:00

See which Greek Goddess you are.

Are ya jealous???

I just chatted with my friend Kevin. He's a helicopter pilot in the Coast Guard....stationed in Alaska. He's taking a night flight tonight....ooooh I'd love to be him for just one day.

He says he rescues stupid people for a living. I suppose he does. Most of the people who get into trouble on the water do so at their own stupidity.
They get funny calls too, like "MayDay MayDay, SS Minnow Lost at Sea" (think Gilligan's Island)
And they actually have to respond (i.e., go out). Because God forbid it not be a joke and they not respond.
Our good citizens putting our tax dollars to work!.

Today Serena returned to school after a long and sickly absense. It's "bring a guest to school" day, and Serena chose to invite her Daddy, who took off work, drove back the 38 miles from his office to her school, attended her tea party, then took her back to work with him. She packed her art case for herself this morning. Her hair is done up fancy (thanks to mom) and she's wearing a purple wind suit with white flowers on the pockets. I'm not sure who is gonna feel more special....him, for having such a lovely lady to show off to his coworkers, or her, for managing a "take your daughter to work day" at the ripe old age of FIVE.

2002-02-05T10:12:00.000-05:00

OK I started this blog so I can be cool like the rest of ya'all but for the life of me I can't remember what it looks like....what layout did I pick...what color is it....does it reflect me?

Does it matter?

These little pieces of blog are like little wisps of our hair...yeah, you can see a texture or something, but really, you don't get the whole hairstyle until you've romped around in it for awhile.

Somehow, this morning, as I'm making toast for my dear sick children and tea for myself, I remember two guys from Junior high school (East Jr High, Leavenworth, Kansas). They were in my geometry class. John C and Tony B...their last names will remain anonymous because it's likely that they could find this and I'm not sure I would say this to their faces. Aw heck. Sure I would.

They used to tease me. We were friends. They both needed haircuts and could have used some clothes that didn't come from Kmart. John C took my new Rubiks cube and, sitting a two rows behind me in geometry, and one aisle over, he solved it magnificently row by row--whispering seductively under his breath so the teacher wouldn't see, "Mina! Look! I got another one!"

I was doing my math lessons and turning around in amazement that he was doing it. He wasn't the brightest light on the street. He looked like a guy who would grow up to work on cars or something for a living.

He gave me back my solved cube and I threw it in my bag in amazement. It was only after I got home and took it out again that I realized that Johnny had just taken off all the stickers and put them back on in the solved position. The joke was on me. He certainly was funny. I could see him waking up in the middle of the night and still giggling in remembrance.

They were actually quite a bit of fun, if you weren't too snobby to realize it. I was a tad snobby though so I didn't have as much fun with them as I should have. They'd put their arms around me and take me out and they treated me and Libby like we were pretty girls. We weren't couples or anything...just somehow ended up together.

Well, we all grew up like people do. They started weight lifting right after jr high and upon graduation both landed coveted jobs as male strippers. Little John and little Tony.....suddenly people were paying to see them naked.

My friend Libby still fills me in about them. They all stayed in Leavenworth. Now, 20 years later, one of them is still stripping, the other one found God. Good goin' fellows. Libby and I are both housewives.

She has a tattoo and a divorce from an abusive first husband. But I have a blog.

2002-01-31T09:18:00.000-05:00

test two

2002-01-31T08:48:00.000-05:00

testing